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"How was school?" — a good question, but often it does not give what it is asked for. To find out the child's true feelings, worries, and joys, you need questions that cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." Open-ended questions give them the opportunity to freely express their thoughts.
After asking a child a question, just listen. Be present. Refrain from judgments, lectures, and quick advice. The child should feel that they are being heard, not interrogated.
Here are 15 questions that will help you hear more:
- What makes you happy?
- If we could all fly on vacation as a family right now, where would we go?
- What do I love doing most? (ask this question to your child about yourself — sometimes the answers are surprising)
- What do you love doing most?
- What can't I do? (also a question about you — your child sees you differently than you see yourself)
- What do you like doing together with me?
- Who is your best friend?
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- If aliens suddenly appeared and took 3 children away, who would they take? Why?
- What do you like most about Mom and Dad?
- What do you like least about Mom and Dad?
- What is the coolest thing to do during recess?
- What is the most disgusting thing you remember?
- What have you always wanted to ask but never did? Do you want to ask now?
- If you could change something about your family, what would it be?
Do not be afraid of uncomfortable questions. Sometimes they are exactly what reveals what the child carries inside and dares not say. And do not forget to answer them yourself — the conversation should be honest on both sides.
